July 29, 2005

look just pretend you didnt read this

i've gone beyond dont comment....
i'm reading this book....it's not that bad of a book....i kind alike it....not that it will so me any good....but because of it i know that i'm supposed to think positive things and talk back to the negative things i'm thinking....but i cant do tht right now....the fact of the matter is that no matter what i or anyone else says to me, i am a looser, and a screw-up and an idiot....i finally got my butt into enough gear to try and tackle my need for health insurance...remember me, the weak looser with the heart condition?...i NEED health insurance....I should have dealt with this back in April...i knew it was important....I really wasnt that bad back in April (see intelectually i havetn lost sight of the fact that these spell though rarely lasting this long have a beginning and end i jsut dotn feel like it now) so there is no excuse...heck theres no excuse now for my inability to motivate myself not to spend 3 hours more than i planned in bed......or to do anything for that matter...i hae to talk myslef into every little thing that i dont have someone standing over me...but now i missed the enrollment period...so i have no health isnurance....and i wasted all that time last night and the night before trying to get this all setup.....and i cant deal with it anyway.....not only was i not able to sort through the paperwork myslef, abi had to help me, but i am too dumb to do it in time i hate this about me why cant i do things right? i mean it was simple to do but i still needed my little sisters help and ti still reduced me to a crying heap on the living room floor and and now i have screwed up and i dont have coverage and i cant do anyhting aout it and i just know i'm goign to get sick or hurta nd then i'll have tons of bills that i wont be able to afford and i wont get to go to Slovakia but why would they want me anyway...so there...hows that for real...dont ask me how i'm doing...i've been lying for the past month

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